One year Anniversary and Dr apt

On the 30th it will be my one year anniversary!

I had great news at the dr yesterday. I am down 112 lbs and my blood work all looked good.

Some exciting,scary news...I can now start to see a plastic surgeon...OMG!

During the summer it is terrible to have folds of skin. A lot of the time I get terrible rashes that HURT sooo bad and this year I am really afraid because I have more folds than before. It would be a dream to not have to worry about those!

Just have to vent!

I guess I could just e mail you Lauren since I think you are the only one that looks at my blog :) but I am putting it here as a reminder of part of this experience.

How come, the one who can't eat has to always be in charge of food? The menu, the shopping, the picking up...tonight Julio's brother came over to help out with some rewiring and it was getting late and they wanted chicken wings (which were a FAVORITE food of mine BEFORE surgery) well, they not only got wings but from my favorite place and my favorite subs, chicken cheese steaks. So I had to go and pick it up and drive home with it,smelling it the whole way!!! I was almost in tears! So as they sat down to dinner I sat down to my stupid protein shake. It is crazy this "food" thing.

Then I start thinking, this is going to be for MY WHOLE LIFE!!! Yes, I enjoy being healthier and yes I enjoy wearing a smaller size but.....sometimes it just plain STINKS!

Ok, I am tired. I was at a Mary Kay event all day today and was up at 6:30am! (This is why missed your shower....sorry Lauren!! We will have to have lunch/playdate or a girls time out ok?

20

Well, I just HAD to update today. I had some exciting happenings! I got into my size 20 jeans!!!
I know for some that is still like woah those are big but when you consider I use to wear a tight size 32!
I have really been trying to be good about taking my supplements because I have to go next month to have my blood work done before my year visit.
Sometimes I feel like the progress is slow (by my own hand) and sometimes I think about how it has only been almost a year and I have "taken off" what took me over 9 years to put on. I honestly do not remember when I weighed what I do now or when I was in a size 20.
I feel awesome!

It has been a LONG time!

Well, it seems to be forever since I have written. I guess I didn't really have much to write about. Just trying to get by, day by day...

However, now I have something that recently happened and I thought it would be worth blogging about.

MOURNING, I know that sounds strange, wierd, crazy but the other day looking at myself in my full length mirror, and I had a lot of emotion come up.

I look like a deflating balloon, or if anyone remembers the book, saggy baggy elephant and I started to feel like I was losing "myself". The thought of getting rid of all the clothes that have given me so much comfort over time and being frustrated that when I get dressed I feel like a little girl playing dress up in my mothers clothes and knowing I can't just go out and buy clothes that fit for the time.

I am not being ungreatful, I love the energy I have, the fact that I wanted to buy something and I couldn't because the sizes were TOO BIG! That was the first time that has EVER happened to me.

That day we went to the Outlets and it is always a great people watching opportunity and I looked around and saw so many women that looked like it was hurting them to walk, when it probably was, I remember that not so long ago it was me. Inside I wished I could just go up to them and say hey, your life can change.... But the truth of it is, your life CAN'T change until you are ready, not just because someone tells you it can.

Anyway, a day ago I had two ladies at Leanza's school just raising a fuss over me and making me feel soooooo good so I am feeling better about being a little bit less of "myself"!

So far pictures :)

October 13, 2009

Ok, while the weight loss is going really really well, last night I noticed that my hair is falling out. From all that I have read it is pretty much inevitable. CRAP! It isn't like I have the hair to spare to begin with. I do have a couple of wigs I have bought but they were suppose to be for fun, it feels different to HAVE to wear them. I am thinking of getting my hair cut short, it needs to be cut anyway. I have also noticed many many more grey hairs, YIKES!

Food is still a big issue, I pretty much live off of protein bars, cheese and water. Every now and again I can eat something. While I was in NJ I had eggplant and it didn't bother me, the other night I had a bit of Nachos and while at dinner at Sam's I had 2 meatballs and some nuts LOL that sounds funny together! :) Oh well, I use to live to eat and now it is just eating to live.

However on a positive note, I am down 72lbs!!! I fit into clothes now, I have not been able to in YEARS! I look at my face in the mirror and I look different, I am not sure how I feel about that just yet.

My 3 month check up was today

I had a great check up today, I am right on track where I should be loss wise.

My blood work was not great but not too bad either.

I need to take mega doses of Vit D for about 6 mos.

My iron was low so I have to make sure I take that, I need to start Biotin now, I was shown how to give myself the vit B shots, they are only once a month, take fish oil and, I have to drink a half of a glass of red wine in the eve. Doctor's orders :)

I can now take regular vits instead of those chewable things YUCK, I will much more be likely to take them. I need to get a big pill box for the week now!!!

Feelin pretty good.

Went to my PCP today!

Good news! My BP was 90/70 and she took me completely off my BP medicine!

Also, I am down now a total of 58lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went last week while mom was there and in that time I lost another 3lbs. I didn't do much activity wise last week due to a terrible but I was real careful with my eating. Now it is time to kick it into gear, I want to be under the 300 mark before I have to go to my check up at the surgeons next week.

She yelled at me because my clothes were too big, she told me to get myself to the Goodwill LOL!

But they are soooooooooooooo comfy!

Feelin GREAT!

Today was Leanza's first day of her new school, it went fantabulously! :)

When Julio and I got home from dropping her off we did some weeding out front and cleaning and sweeping and moving chairs/benches, etc.

Later I took mom to her dr apt and guess what? I have lost 55 lbs already! I now weigh what I did before I got pregnant for Leanza 4 years ago!

I have so much energy when I got home I walked on my treadmill, I will do my weights later while I am watching tv.

Ok, I am motivated once again. I CAN DO THIS!

Feelin better

I am doing better.

I started to walk at the park with Julio, actually we got "scolded" by a police officer one night because we were 10 mins late leaving. Sheesh!!

So that walking really helps. I also have been lifting weights like hand weights a couple hundred reps a day!

Tomorrow mom has a dr apt so I am going to jump on the scale there to see how it compares to mine at home. I hope good :)

Feelin blue

I know I am just a day away from 2 months but it feels like forever!

I just feel blue, not sure what I need to get me excited about this journey again. I am sure and have been told there are many ups and downs on this ride so I guess I will just hang on tight.

2 months 1 day since surgery

I reminded myself for two days to make sure I wrote on the actual anniversary day and what happened? I missed it!!!!

Well not too much going on this last week. I am seeing a therapist to keep me on track and such. I was having problems eating, like getting food in and she helped me realize that food now isn't enjoyable but it is fuel and for me to think of it that way. So this week I did better making sure I ate during the day.

Tried chinese, garlic chicken didn't work, made me sick. I stopped before it got too bad so it was just a minor upset.

I am going to meet with a new friend from a support group online, she lives in Silver Spring she has the same surgery about 2 mos before I did so that should be neat.

Yesterday was 7 weeks since surgery!

I can't believe it has been 7 weeks, well in a way I can and in a way I can't.
I have been doing really good and not gotten sick, well I have not been eating either which is NOT good and I don't recommend but it is scary.

Yesterday I made a great bean salad with black beans and garbanzos, garlic, lime, evoo, salt and salsa. Tasted great but lots of carbs. I am really not in the meat mood. I have always had real issues with meat and now it is worse.

I have been trying to find some good "snacks" that are high in protein and low in carbs to fill the gaps in my day.

I have found a Smoothie King nearby and found I can have a "treat" when Julio and Leanza get ice cream at the near by Bruesters. The protein shake I get at SK has my whole days requirements of protein! In my entertainment book I even found a coupon for buy one get one free so I have one for today!

Julio took some photos of me the other day. I have some from the night before my surgery and now ones from my 45lb loss but I am still not ready to post them yet! :)

Thanks again everyone for reading my blogg and being so supportive, it really helps and means a lot to me!
Love you all!

Got Weighed today!

Well, I sure had a surprise today.

I went to my PCP to recheck my blood pressure medicine and I have lost a total of 45lbs!!!!!!!!!!!

And, she also cut my meds down from 100mg a day to 50! Hopefully next month I won't need it at all!

Doing pretty good the past two days!

Thank goodness, I have been so weak since I have not been able to eat!

Yesterday it was Williams birthday, I was really feeling terrible but I was going no matter what. I stopped at Walmart and got some nuts to munch on.

While I was there I had some mixed nuts some topping off of pizza it was cheese and mushrooms, I did really well, no upsets. So that stayed in and today I had nuts for breakfast and some pizza topping again for dinner tomorrow I might have some energy to do some long overdue grocery shopping! BIG ADVENTURE lol

Month Anniversary!

Ok, so I know today is Wednesday but I have to say that I have not been much up to writing. I am having a really hard time adjusting to my new insides or should I say my new insides are having a hard time getting use to eating.

I have been sick many many times which then makes it so I can not do ANYTHING for that day and then eat nothing the next. I have NO energy from this so inturn I can not do the exercising I should be doing. Once again, a vicious circle. SIGH

This trial and error period which can extend for a very long time is very trying. What does not work now, may work later but lets face it after being so sick you are curled up in the fetal position for hours or stuck on the toilet with the trash can up to your face, who wants to go through that again???

Food has become such a drag, I hate to say it but it has. SIGH

So, I am mending from my infections and now recouping from my last episode. One month down, a lifetime to go.....

I won't give up hope that it is going to get better. I was told to make that judgement at the 6 month mark, but even if at that time I am not happy, what can I do about it? LOL NOTHING!!!!

Three weeks!

Ok, so I have not posted in awhile.

I have not been feeling that great. Lots of physical but also mental things that have me down.

Today for instance I had to take an unexpected trip to the dr. I have an incision that is infected, I have been nursing it for a few days and it isn't getting much better. So better safe than sorry I went.

He looked at it put a band aid on it and said I was fine! He isn't right around the corner so I was sorry to have inconvenienced Julio to drive me there for nothing but once again better safe than sorry I guess.

Lazy day

So yesterday I didn't get to write because we were out and about with Sam and William and went to the Urbana Carnival, we had fun.

I ALMOST lasted the whole trip. I had a strange pain in my side by one of my incisions and had to go sit down, but not long afterwards everyone else came too.

I put myself on a liquid day yesterday trying to recover from the day before when I was in so much pain from eating too much!

Today I ate dinner and just drank the first part of the day. I didn't over do it, YEAH!
I actually just counted out tablespoons. I still felt what I thought was a bit hungry but as they say, you can always have more but once you have eaten too much, you can't go back!

Well, I didn't eat more, I had some SF popscicles instead.

Just got done watching WALL E , oh yeah, now to put munchkin to bed!

HUGE MISTAKE!

Ok, so yesterday, Friday night I didn't write, why you may ask?

Well I was in AGONY! I overate at dinner.

Now mind you in the GB world that means instead of a 1/4 of a C of food I may have gone over to maybe 1/2C . OOOOUUUUUCCCCHHHHHHH! I am still learning how to tell when I am "satisfied" and not let it get to the FULL part because if it gets there, even hours later I feel full to the gills literally. It felt as if the food was all the way up to the back of my throat, gross yes but that is the only way I can explain it.

So today, I am going to do liquids for most of today as I am still sore this am and I feel "FULL" still. So, hopefully by tomorrow I can, try it again. You know, this new thing called eating LOL!

Post op check up day!

Well, it is official 30lbs!!!!!!

They Dr was very happy!

He said I was healing really fast and everything looked good and I could move on to "regular" food. YEAH, but also scary. The trial and error period they call it, well if you hit a food that is in the error part of the equation means that you feel VERY ill. Cold chills, sweating, nausea, gastro intestinal issues, etc, NOT FUN.

So, Leanza wanted CLAM CHOWDER for dinner so we went to RL to get her some a bowl full to go and Julio and I hit our favorite sub joint. I knew I would not be able to eat the bread but I am ok with that. It is just the feeling of something other than MUSH in my mouth and deli meats is on the list of ok foods for someone on the 3rd week post op.

So, at home I had a spoonful of Leanza's Chowda :) and a bite and I mean a small bite of her mozz stick and I could only manage to eat 1/4 of the 1/2 of the sub I had gotten and even that, I should have stopped probably a bite before I did, CRAZY.

I didn't think it was going to stay down, then I didn't think it was going to settle but it did! So I am still feeling FULL FULL FULL and that was at 6pm.

So, onward the journey goes still lots of excitement ahead!

Thank goodness I can no longer binge, for that in itself I am so thankful!